187. Kristine G., New Bedford, MA
Where does Scrooge go to in New York City?
Weird wording there. Anyway, some sort of play on "bah" or "humbug" or whatever?
187. The Grumpire State Building!
Man. I mean, I guess when you hear "Scrooge" you think "grumpy," or at least they're closely related enough for this not to be completely ridiculous, but still. More than a bit of a stretch. I just would have tried to think of another joke at this point.
188. Sandra M., DeKalb, IL
What did the cake say to the candle?
"You light up my life!" Ugh, sorry.
188. You're burning my back.
Whoa, I retract that apology. "You're burning my back????" That is not an expression that anyone says, which means it has no business being the punchline to a joke like this. This is only funny if people say that sort of thing to each other, making it passably amusing that a cake might say it to a candle. But no, this is just idiotic. It manages to make "the Grumpire State Building" look good by comparison.
Monday, December 5, 2011
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Wrapper 36: Comedy = Tragedy + Yaks
183. Matt W., Muskogee, OK
What would you do without your memories?
Kind of a serious setup, isn't it? Very philosophical. What if you had no memories? What would your life be like? How would you feel when you woke up in the morning, unsure of your surroundings, perhaps able to surmise simply by instinct that the person lying next to you was your spouse, but otherwise completely disoriented? Unable to hang on to the happy moments of life, watching them slip past like strangers in a crowd? How would you... oh, I'm sorry, I guess we have a punchline to get to here.
183. Forget.
This really is the most tragic Laffy Taffy joke there is. Someone thought to categorize this as humor? Holy shit. This is super depressing. Let's just move on. Now I need this next joke to be super funny just to make up for it...
184. Jessica S., San Diego, CA
What animal talks the most?
I DON'T KNOW WHAT ANIMAL TALKS THE MOST
184. A yak.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
What would you do without your memories?
Kind of a serious setup, isn't it? Very philosophical. What if you had no memories? What would your life be like? How would you feel when you woke up in the morning, unsure of your surroundings, perhaps able to surmise simply by instinct that the person lying next to you was your spouse, but otherwise completely disoriented? Unable to hang on to the happy moments of life, watching them slip past like strangers in a crowd? How would you... oh, I'm sorry, I guess we have a punchline to get to here.
183. Forget.
This really is the most tragic Laffy Taffy joke there is. Someone thought to categorize this as humor? Holy shit. This is super depressing. Let's just move on. Now I need this next joke to be super funny just to make up for it...
184. Jessica S., San Diego, CA
What animal talks the most?
I DON'T KNOW WHAT ANIMAL TALKS THE MOST
184. A yak.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Wrapper 35: Frogs and the sun
143. Amber W., Owatonna, MN
What animal has more lives than a cat?
Really, all animals have just one life. But let's see what you were thinking.
143. A frog. It croaks every night.
Again, really more of a riddle than a joke. But sure.
144. Morgan W., Washington, DC
What does the sun skate on?
The sun is a massive ball of flaming gas, and does not go skating on anything.
144. Solarblades.
Meh. Our last banana wrapper for a while (we've got a rich vein of strawberry coming) actually isn't that bad. At least, it's fairly inoffensive. There's some bad ones coming, though, let me tell you.
What animal has more lives than a cat?
Really, all animals have just one life. But let's see what you were thinking.
143. A frog. It croaks every night.
Again, really more of a riddle than a joke. But sure.
144. Morgan W., Washington, DC
What does the sun skate on?
The sun is a massive ball of flaming gas, and does not go skating on anything.
144. Solarblades.
Meh. Our last banana wrapper for a while (we've got a rich vein of strawberry coming) actually isn't that bad. At least, it's fairly inoffensive. There's some bad ones coming, though, let me tell you.
Friday, December 2, 2011
Wrapper 34: No quarter
141. Tessa W., Jema, LA
What gives a ghost the right to scare you?
Ghosts care not for your human laws.
141. A haunting license.
I wonder if I could have parsed this fully as an eight-year-old. Maybe in rural parts of the country where even kids would be familiar with the concept of a hunting license it's not an issue.
142. Tiffany M., Churchville, NY
How come the Buffalo Bills went to the bank?
This is obviously about "getting their quarterback." I know Tiffany M. is from Churchville, NY, which is a little ways outside Rochester, thus making the Buffalo Bills her nearest NFL team. But I don't know if I would have used a specific team here. It's just sort of confusing since it makes you wonder if the punchline will actually be Bills-specific.
142. To get their quarter back.
And of course the punchline is not Bills-specific. I know this isn't really Tiffany M.'s fault - Laffy Taffy should have edited it, or picked another one that just said "the football team" since this joke is so old you know a thousand kids mailed it in. It's that little extra bit of dopiness that truly makes a Laffy Taffy joke.
What gives a ghost the right to scare you?
Ghosts care not for your human laws.
141. A haunting license.
I wonder if I could have parsed this fully as an eight-year-old. Maybe in rural parts of the country where even kids would be familiar with the concept of a hunting license it's not an issue.
142. Tiffany M., Churchville, NY
How come the Buffalo Bills went to the bank?
This is obviously about "getting their quarterback." I know Tiffany M. is from Churchville, NY, which is a little ways outside Rochester, thus making the Buffalo Bills her nearest NFL team. But I don't know if I would have used a specific team here. It's just sort of confusing since it makes you wonder if the punchline will actually be Bills-specific.
142. To get their quarter back.
And of course the punchline is not Bills-specific. I know this isn't really Tiffany M.'s fault - Laffy Taffy should have edited it, or picked another one that just said "the football team" since this joke is so old you know a thousand kids mailed it in. It's that little extra bit of dopiness that truly makes a Laffy Taffy joke.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Wrapper 33: Ticked off
139. Keri B., Heber, UT
When does a doctor get mad?
When he is out of patients.
139. When he runs out of patients.
Yeah, yeah. Pedestrian.
140. Arthur W., Des Plaines, IL
What do you get when you cross Noah's ark and a bug?
A really weird, strained joke setup?
140. Arctic.
...wow. That is impressively terrible, Arthur W. I'm ashamed to live in the same state as you. I mean, my God. There's nothing inherently funny about getting to "Arctic" as a punchline, certainly not after you push so forced a setup on us. And what really got "crossed" here? You just tacked "tick" on after "ark" and made a new, completely unrelated word out of it. I guess the real question is whether to blame Arthur, or to blame the Laffy Taffy people for deciding "Why yes, this is good enough to publish!" I think I'll just go ahead and blame both of them.
Wouldn't rewording this joke have made it at least a little more tolerable? Like "Why did the bug make it so cold on Noah's ark? He was an Arctic!" That's still terrible but at least you have an excuse for "Arctic" in the setup. The existing one is just poorly done.
When does a doctor get mad?
When he is out of patients.
139. When he runs out of patients.
Yeah, yeah. Pedestrian.
140. Arthur W., Des Plaines, IL
What do you get when you cross Noah's ark and a bug?
A really weird, strained joke setup?
140. Arctic.
...wow. That is impressively terrible, Arthur W. I'm ashamed to live in the same state as you. I mean, my God. There's nothing inherently funny about getting to "Arctic" as a punchline, certainly not after you push so forced a setup on us. And what really got "crossed" here? You just tacked "tick" on after "ark" and made a new, completely unrelated word out of it. I guess the real question is whether to blame Arthur, or to blame the Laffy Taffy people for deciding "Why yes, this is good enough to publish!" I think I'll just go ahead and blame both of them.
Wouldn't rewording this joke have made it at least a little more tolerable? Like "Why did the bug make it so cold on Noah's ark? He was an Arctic!" That's still terrible but at least you have an excuse for "Arctic" in the setup. The existing one is just poorly done.
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