Why don't skeletons ever go trick or treating?
Katherine N.
Because they would terrify the living shit out of people and wouldn't get any candy?
They don't have any body to go out with.
Gee, that sounds familiar. Jon H. from Cocoa, FL, you just got your shit jacked! I think Laffy Taffy could definitely keep this one going, though. Let's try to think of some other places that skeletons would totally go if only they had "some body" to go with. Here are a few suggestions to get you started:
Pharmacy
Baseball game
Wig store
Park
Olive Garden
Massage parlor
Showing posts with label one-joke wrappers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label one-joke wrappers. Show all posts
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Friday, November 11, 2011
Wrapper 9: Lame 'n' Lime
What is a ghoul's favorite flavor?
Theri K
Uh, okay. Could be anything. Let's have it.
Lemon-Slime
Woof. I mean, aside from being unfunny, there's nothing particularly terrible about this, I guess. But there were probably eight thousand answers you could have had for this joke. Was this really the best one? Outside of Ghostbusters, I guess, is there any real obvious affiliation between ghouls and slime?
Whatever. Some of these are worse than others, as you'd expect, and I've already burned through the best ones from this batch, so the next few won't be as terrible as all that. But they still suck.
Theri K
Uh, okay. Could be anything. Let's have it.
Lemon-Slime
Woof. I mean, aside from being unfunny, there's nothing particularly terrible about this, I guess. But there were probably eight thousand answers you could have had for this joke. Was this really the best one? Outside of Ghostbusters, I guess, is there any real obvious affiliation between ghouls and slime?
Whatever. Some of these are worse than others, as you'd expect, and I've already burned through the best ones from this batch, so the next few won't be as terrible as all that. But they still suck.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Wrapper 8: Predictable
What do you call a skeleton who won't work?
Christine C.
Lazy bones. I mean, come on.
Lazy bones
No shit. I mean, if you're going to put these crap jokes out there, at least make it so the answer isn't so obvious. Right? Also, skeletons can't work, because they have no muscles.
Christine C.
Lazy bones. I mean, come on.
Lazy bones
No shit. I mean, if you're going to put these crap jokes out there, at least make it so the answer isn't so obvious. Right? Also, skeletons can't work, because they have no muscles.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Wrapper 7: Not exactly
So I've been complaining about how these stupid jokes too often feature homophone-based punchlines that really only work out loud, and how Laffy Taffy's resolution of over-explaining them has not worked. Good news! They didn't do that this time. Bad news! This.
What did one casket say to the other casket?
Martha W.
I see this joke was submitted to Laffy Taffy in the late 1700s by Martha Washington. No? Well, it may as well have been.
Is that you "coughing"?
No! No, no, no. Close, but no cigar. Here is the CORRECT way to have written this, if you had to tell it at all:
Is that you "coffin"?
Now, maybe that joke is a little hard to parse in print. And it should be, because it is a joke that is DEPENDENT ON ORAL COMMUNICATION, and also because the punchline is super weak. But if you're going to make me work for one of the words, you make me work for the one that makes sense in the "real" sentence - i.e. coughing. You do not make me work for the PUN on which the entire reason for telling the joke at all is based! I mean, I think we're all glad they didn't print "Is that you 'coffin' (coughing)?" but this is more a lateral move than a step forward. Yeesh.
Besides, if you're going to do a joke dependent on this sort of pun, doesn't the punned sentence really need to be a lot more common than "Is that you coughing?" While "Is that you 'coffin'?" would be better, the problem you do run into is that it looks like a typo for "Is that your coffin?" Which I guess isn't any better of a situation to be in. But that's why you SHOULDN'T PRINT JOKES THAT ARE INTENDED TO BE TOLD OUT LOUD.
What did one casket say to the other casket?
Martha W.
I see this joke was submitted to Laffy Taffy in the late 1700s by Martha Washington. No? Well, it may as well have been.
Is that you "coughing"?
No! No, no, no. Close, but no cigar. Here is the CORRECT way to have written this, if you had to tell it at all:
Is that you "coffin"?
Now, maybe that joke is a little hard to parse in print. And it should be, because it is a joke that is DEPENDENT ON ORAL COMMUNICATION, and also because the punchline is super weak. But if you're going to make me work for one of the words, you make me work for the one that makes sense in the "real" sentence - i.e. coughing. You do not make me work for the PUN on which the entire reason for telling the joke at all is based! I mean, I think we're all glad they didn't print "Is that you 'coffin' (coughing)?" but this is more a lateral move than a step forward. Yeesh.
Besides, if you're going to do a joke dependent on this sort of pun, doesn't the punned sentence really need to be a lot more common than "Is that you coughing?" While "Is that you 'coffin'?" would be better, the problem you do run into is that it looks like a typo for "Is that your coffin?" Which I guess isn't any better of a situation to be in. But that's why you SHOULDN'T PRINT JOKES THAT ARE INTENDED TO BE TOLD OUT LOUD.
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Wrapper 6: The number that should have been in this joke
Say this for Laffy Taffy jokes - and it's not saying much - at least there aren't that many that are just old hoary chestnuts from a million years ago. But some of them are. And that can spell real trouble.
Why was 8 afraid of 7?
Kelly Z.
Oh no. Kelly... you fucked the joke up.
Because 7 ate (8) 9.
First of all - same problem we've seen before. If you have to spell out the homophone for us, you shouldn't bother telling the joke in print. But this joke is just WRONG. The joke is, "Why was 6 afraid of 7?" Six! Not eight! You know why not eight? Because eight appears in the punchline. I could maybe have appreciated the effort if the punchline were different - you know that style of joke that takes a very familiar setup and tweaks it slightly. I'm sure that wouldn't have been funny but I could have gotten the idea. But this is just not right. Major fail, Kelly Z. Unacceptable.
Why was 8 afraid of 7?
Kelly Z.
Oh no. Kelly... you fucked the joke up.
Because 7 ate (8) 9.
First of all - same problem we've seen before. If you have to spell out the homophone for us, you shouldn't bother telling the joke in print. But this joke is just WRONG. The joke is, "Why was 6 afraid of 7?" Six! Not eight! You know why not eight? Because eight appears in the punchline. I could maybe have appreciated the effort if the punchline were different - you know that style of joke that takes a very familiar setup and tweaks it slightly. I'm sure that wouldn't have been funny but I could have gotten the idea. But this is just not right. Major fail, Kelly Z. Unacceptable.
Monday, November 7, 2011
Wrapper 5: Screaming pumpkins
Man, if you thought the last one was a missed opportunity at a pun... just try and figure out what's going on with this garbage.
Why did they carve a big mouth into the pumpkin?
Silvia M.
You really have to wonder where this is going, right? The real reason - because you carve faces into pumpkins and the mouth is part of the face - clearly isn't the answer. It's gotta be a pun, right? "So he would look really gourd" or something terrible like that?
So he could scream and howl!
...what the fuck. Come on, Silvia M.! You cannot be serious with this shit!
Look. Screaming and howling is not something pumpkins do; strike one. "Scream and howl" is not any pumpkin-related play on words that I can see; strike two. And obviously it is not funny; strike three. That exclamation point is [sic], by the way. This joke is way too pleased with itself.
Honestly, just try to find something funny in that punchline, or at least some way it makes sense. Is the idea that they gave him a big mouth so he could let out his screams of anguish from having his flesh carved up with an enormous knife? Because if so, that is some twisted shit, Silvia M. Although I suppose failing to carve any mouth for the pumpkin, forcing him to linger in Harlan Ellison-esque torment, unable to vocalize the horrible pain, would be at least as sadistic in its own way. Still, I'm not pumpkin carving at Silvia M.'s house any time soon. Future serial killer in the making, people.
Why did they carve a big mouth into the pumpkin?
Silvia M.
You really have to wonder where this is going, right? The real reason - because you carve faces into pumpkins and the mouth is part of the face - clearly isn't the answer. It's gotta be a pun, right? "So he would look really gourd" or something terrible like that?
So he could scream and howl!
...what the fuck. Come on, Silvia M.! You cannot be serious with this shit!
Look. Screaming and howling is not something pumpkins do; strike one. "Scream and howl" is not any pumpkin-related play on words that I can see; strike two. And obviously it is not funny; strike three. That exclamation point is [sic], by the way. This joke is way too pleased with itself.
Honestly, just try to find something funny in that punchline, or at least some way it makes sense. Is the idea that they gave him a big mouth so he could let out his screams of anguish from having his flesh carved up with an enormous knife? Because if so, that is some twisted shit, Silvia M. Although I suppose failing to carve any mouth for the pumpkin, forcing him to linger in Harlan Ellison-esque torment, unable to vocalize the horrible pain, would be at least as sadistic in its own way. Still, I'm not pumpkin carving at Silvia M.'s house any time soon. Future serial killer in the making, people.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Wrapper 4: Which witch
Laffy Taffy jokes may be terrible, but at least some of them try to be legit jokes, which I have to admit is not easy given the space limitations they're working under. More of them, however, are nonsense like this.
How does a witch tell time?
Jeanette M.
Truly a question for the ages. You know with a setup like this that some sort of pun is coming, so the question is whether it's going to involve brooms, or spells, or something.
She looks at her witch watch.
Ugh. Come on, Jeanette M., what were you thinking? Just because the words "witch" and "watch" are identical except for their vowels does not make this a joke. I don't think you can even call it a pun. It's not like "wish-wash" or some soundalike is a thing. You haven't worked in anything affiliated with witches, like "She looks at her wart-ch" or something. This is anti-humor. Not only isn't it funny, it doesn't even look like something that ever had the potential to be funny. I'm glad this was on fully three of the wrappers I have here at my desk.
This came off a banana wrapper, as will the next eleven until I run out of these Halloween ones. And there is some real shit coming up, let me tell you.
How does a witch tell time?
Jeanette M.
Truly a question for the ages. You know with a setup like this that some sort of pun is coming, so the question is whether it's going to involve brooms, or spells, or something.
She looks at her witch watch.
Ugh. Come on, Jeanette M., what were you thinking? Just because the words "witch" and "watch" are identical except for their vowels does not make this a joke. I don't think you can even call it a pun. It's not like "wish-wash" or some soundalike is a thing. You haven't worked in anything affiliated with witches, like "She looks at her wart-ch" or something. This is anti-humor. Not only isn't it funny, it doesn't even look like something that ever had the potential to be funny. I'm glad this was on fully three of the wrappers I have here at my desk.
This came off a banana wrapper, as will the next eleven until I run out of these Halloween ones. And there is some real shit coming up, let me tell you.
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Wrapper 3: A g-g-g-ghost car!
Because they came from a Halloween-themed bag, the Laffy Taffy wrappers I've been using to this point - and will until I run out of them - are officially branded as "Howlin' Laffy Taffy," to go along with Skulls & Bones SweeTarts and Spooky Nerds. (Which might be the silliest of the three. My God! These Nerds are all white! I'd better run in place in mid-air for a second, my legs turning into a large white circle, and then sprint away, Scoob!) But for reasons surpassing my understanding, the jokes on the strawberry wrappers were otherwise normal - I know there was that skeleton one, but I've seen it before. However, the jokes on the banana wrappers are (a) entirely Halloween-themed, (b) unnumbered, and (c) single. That's right, just one joke per wrapper! What a rip-off. They also don't give you the submitter's location. Perhaps these are newer jokes that were submitted online rather than mailed in? Alternately, who cares.
What kind of car does a ghost drive?
A. Ockles
It wouldn't need to drive a car, because, being a ghost, it can travel by means of spooky ghost propulsion, or floating, or whatever. Oh, this is just a setup for a horrible pun? No kidding.
A Boo-ick (Buick)
I really appreciate that once again the people at Laffy Taffy assume you're way too dumb to figure out the punchline. "A Boo-ick? Like, a scary gross car? Is that supposed to sound like something? I don't get it."
Anyway, this sucks, of course, but at least it sucks in a pretty conventional way. And it got me thinking about what other car brands you could use in this type of joke. I think the best one, though probably a bit harder to parse, would be a Haunt-da. That or a Mercur-eek!
What kind of car does a ghost drive?
A. Ockles
It wouldn't need to drive a car, because, being a ghost, it can travel by means of spooky ghost propulsion, or floating, or whatever. Oh, this is just a setup for a horrible pun? No kidding.
A Boo-ick (Buick)
I really appreciate that once again the people at Laffy Taffy assume you're way too dumb to figure out the punchline. "A Boo-ick? Like, a scary gross car? Is that supposed to sound like something? I don't get it."
Anyway, this sucks, of course, but at least it sucks in a pretty conventional way. And it got me thinking about what other car brands you could use in this type of joke. I think the best one, though probably a bit harder to parse, would be a Haunt-da. That or a Mercur-eek!
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