135. David S., Newburgh Hts., OH
Where do very smart hot dogs end up?
In your stomach, just like the dumb ones.
135. On honor rolls!
I mean, why would you go with hot dogs here? I hear "hot dog," I think "bun," not "roll." There's even that expression, "Just call me butter 'cause I'm on a roll" - why not go with "smart butter" instead? That would at least be a little clever instead of just confusing.
136. Matthew J., Dayton, OH
The Ohio mafia, taking over this wrapper.
What is a cat's favorite thing to read?
Like... the mewspaper? Please tell me that's not it.
136. A catalog.
That might actually be worse. I would much rather the punchline be cat-related than to have it just be a word that starts with cat. Because that's really the same as reusing the subject or object from your setup in the punchline. It's lame. "Mewspaper" is totally bad, I admit, but at least it tries. "Catalog" just smacks of giving up. And seriously, even if cats could read, do you think they would pick their reading material based on if the name had "cat" somewhere in it?
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Monday, November 28, 2011
Wrapper 30: Keys and locks
79. Shara L., Anadarko, OK
What kind of key doesn't open a lock?
The answer is definitely going to be "turkey" or something like that.
79. A monkey.
Although most monkeys probably can open locks, meaning that even by the incredibly low standards of this joke, it's a pretty stupid punchline. I would have gone turkey, or at least donkey.
80. Terri T., St. Charles, MO
Why do some people never go bald?
Genetics! Wa ha ha.
80. They have a re-seeding hairline.
Eesh. That is a bad pun. And really kind of dumb since the answer is the opposite of the homophone "receding." I guess you have to give Laffy Taffy some credit here for rolling with a homophone pun that really only works in print.
What kind of key doesn't open a lock?
The answer is definitely going to be "turkey" or something like that.
79. A monkey.
Although most monkeys probably can open locks, meaning that even by the incredibly low standards of this joke, it's a pretty stupid punchline. I would have gone turkey, or at least donkey.
80. Terri T., St. Charles, MO
Why do some people never go bald?
Genetics! Wa ha ha.
80. They have a re-seeding hairline.
Eesh. That is a bad pun. And really kind of dumb since the answer is the opposite of the homophone "receding." I guess you have to give Laffy Taffy some credit here for rolling with a homophone pun that really only works in print.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Wrapper 29: Milk, chocolate
75. Ruth D., Chicago, IL
Which candy can't get anywhere on time?
All of them, because they are candy and cannot move under their own power.
75. Choco-late!
Boo. But fairly straightforward, I guess.
76. Nissi W., Stockton, CA
Where does an alien get its milk?
Gee, I wonder if this could possibly reference the Milky Way.
76. From the Milky Way.
Yeah. No. Don't repeat "milk" like that, and also, an alien probably wouldn't need milk since they almost certainly would not be a mammal.
Which candy can't get anywhere on time?
All of them, because they are candy and cannot move under their own power.
75. Choco-late!
Boo. But fairly straightforward, I guess.
76. Nissi W., Stockton, CA
Where does an alien get its milk?
Gee, I wonder if this could possibly reference the Milky Way.
76. From the Milky Way.
Yeah. No. Don't repeat "milk" like that, and also, an alien probably wouldn't need milk since they almost certainly would not be a mammal.
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Wrapper 28: Egg rolls and math books
73. Benjamin R., Lakeview, NC
How do you make an egg roll?
Take a wrapper and it fill it with sliced vegetables or a meat of your choice?
73. Push it.
My fake response was for what the setup clearly wants you to think - that instructions for making egg rolls, the well-known Asian appetizer, are being sought. But I don't know. I don't think in this country you can quite assume that everyone is going to go right to that. I fully anticipated the punchline would involve actually rolling an egg, and so it did. And of course it was incredibly unfunny. Really the only way this joke is going to work is by asking someone who is guaranteed to think you're asking about food. I could, for instance, ask my mother-in-law, who cooks egg rolls all the time. But I think the punchline loses its impact after several minutes of cooking instructions.
74. Chrissy B., New Iberia, LA
What did the math book tell the pencil?
Don't mark me up? I don't know.
74. I have a lot of problems.
Okay, I guess that's not terrible, although it's not clear to me why the math book needed to tell the pencil that. Why wouldn't it be telling, say, the student?
Another sustained run of banana is beginning. Maybe I should have had these alternate by flavor instead of sorting them by number? Nah.
How do you make an egg roll?
Take a wrapper and it fill it with sliced vegetables or a meat of your choice?
73. Push it.
My fake response was for what the setup clearly wants you to think - that instructions for making egg rolls, the well-known Asian appetizer, are being sought. But I don't know. I don't think in this country you can quite assume that everyone is going to go right to that. I fully anticipated the punchline would involve actually rolling an egg, and so it did. And of course it was incredibly unfunny. Really the only way this joke is going to work is by asking someone who is guaranteed to think you're asking about food. I could, for instance, ask my mother-in-law, who cooks egg rolls all the time. But I think the punchline loses its impact after several minutes of cooking instructions.
74. Chrissy B., New Iberia, LA
What did the math book tell the pencil?
Don't mark me up? I don't know.
74. I have a lot of problems.
Okay, I guess that's not terrible, although it's not clear to me why the math book needed to tell the pencil that. Why wouldn't it be telling, say, the student?
Another sustained run of banana is beginning. Maybe I should have had these alternate by flavor instead of sorting them by number? Nah.
Friday, November 25, 2011
Wrapper 27: Plants and Ducks
43. Sharon S., Sandy Hook, CT
What kind of plant do you put in a cake?
Well, sugar and flour both come from plants. I'd probably start with those two plants.
43. Flower.
Weak. Not least because flour comes from wheat, which is also a plant. Like, it's much more clever if you're punning off something that doesn't already fit your stupid setup.
44. Elizabeth F., Sunland Park, NM
Why don't ducks tell jokes while they are flying?
Because they are ducks and can't talk?
44. Because they would quack up.
Okay, see, it hasn't really been established why that would be a problem for the ducks. Shouldn't this joke just have been, "What does a duck do when he hears a joke? He quacks up!" It may not be funny but at least it makes sense.
What kind of plant do you put in a cake?
Well, sugar and flour both come from plants. I'd probably start with those two plants.
43. Flower.
Weak. Not least because flour comes from wheat, which is also a plant. Like, it's much more clever if you're punning off something that doesn't already fit your stupid setup.
44. Elizabeth F., Sunland Park, NM
Why don't ducks tell jokes while they are flying?
Because they are ducks and can't talk?
44. Because they would quack up.
Okay, see, it hasn't really been established why that would be a problem for the ducks. Shouldn't this joke just have been, "What does a duck do when he hears a joke? He quacks up!" It may not be funny but at least it makes sense.
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Wrapper 26: Rackets and teeth
39. Nathan M., Salt Lake City, UT
What did the judge say to the racket?
"Why am I talking to an inanimate object?"
39. We will send you to court.
You know, a judge usually isn't going to tell someone that they're going to court - if a judge is talking to you, you're probably already in court. So the extremely stilted phrasing of this punchline doesn't really make sense. Other than that, awesome work.
40. Greg S., Stone Mountain, GA
What kind of teeth can you buy with a dollar?
I don't even want to touch the idea of someone from Georgia needing to worry about buying teeth.
40. Buck teeth.
So we go from "teeth" and "dollar" to "teeth" and "buck." Pretty terrible. Just generally lazy. It doesn't even have a realistic setup. Stupid all the way.
What did the judge say to the racket?
"Why am I talking to an inanimate object?"
39. We will send you to court.
You know, a judge usually isn't going to tell someone that they're going to court - if a judge is talking to you, you're probably already in court. So the extremely stilted phrasing of this punchline doesn't really make sense. Other than that, awesome work.
40. Greg S., Stone Mountain, GA
What kind of teeth can you buy with a dollar?
I don't even want to touch the idea of someone from Georgia needing to worry about buying teeth.
40. Buck teeth.
So we go from "teeth" and "dollar" to "teeth" and "buck." Pretty terrible. Just generally lazy. It doesn't even have a realistic setup. Stupid all the way.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Wrapper 25: More predictability
37. Jamal J., Birmingham, AL
Why did the elephant decide not to move?
Surely something to do with his trunk?
37. Because he couldn't lift his trunk.
In spite of its predictability, this joke actually seems somewhat clever - because the connection works on two levels. The elephant decided not to move (living spaces) because he couldn't lift his trunk (suitcase). But also, if an elephant can't lift his actual trunk, he's probably not going to be doing any moving, just physically. Mind you, neither of these is funny. But it's something.
38. Megan D., Des Moines, IA
How do sheep get clean?
How?
38. They take a baa-aa-aa-th.
I don't even have anything to say about this one.
Hey, this was a strawberry wrapper! Finally we break from banana for a few.
Why did the elephant decide not to move?
Surely something to do with his trunk?
37. Because he couldn't lift his trunk.
In spite of its predictability, this joke actually seems somewhat clever - because the connection works on two levels. The elephant decided not to move (living spaces) because he couldn't lift his trunk (suitcase). But also, if an elephant can't lift his actual trunk, he's probably not going to be doing any moving, just physically. Mind you, neither of these is funny. But it's something.
38. Megan D., Des Moines, IA
How do sheep get clean?
How?
38. They take a baa-aa-aa-th.
I don't even have anything to say about this one.
Hey, this was a strawberry wrapper! Finally we break from banana for a few.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Wrapper 24: Extremely predictable
35. Tim A., Elm Mott, TX
What do you call a mean-tempered horse?
A night-mare?
35. A nightmare!
Yeah, okay. Not very good. Jokes like this are at their best when the punchline isn't anything resembling a stretch, but this one is for two reasons. One, a mare is a specific gender of horse; two, "mean-tempered" hardly leads directly to "nightmare." Sure, I can parse it easily enough, as I obviously did by predicting the punchline, but it's just not a good joke.
36. Darrell J., Panama City Beach, FL
Where do fish sleep?
On the sea bed, clearly.
36. In a water bed!
Six of one, half a dozen of the other. These two jokes were so predictable that you almost wish at least one of them had gone the misdirection route, taking an obvious setup and then pulling a punchline more out of left field. I can't think of a good one for either of these offhand, and maybe there isn't really a good one to be had - so had they tried I'd probably just be raking them over the coals for a horrible joke. But is it worse to be impressively bad, or just boring?
What do you call a mean-tempered horse?
A night-mare?
35. A nightmare!
Yeah, okay. Not very good. Jokes like this are at their best when the punchline isn't anything resembling a stretch, but this one is for two reasons. One, a mare is a specific gender of horse; two, "mean-tempered" hardly leads directly to "nightmare." Sure, I can parse it easily enough, as I obviously did by predicting the punchline, but it's just not a good joke.
36. Darrell J., Panama City Beach, FL
Where do fish sleep?
On the sea bed, clearly.
36. In a water bed!
Six of one, half a dozen of the other. These two jokes were so predictable that you almost wish at least one of them had gone the misdirection route, taking an obvious setup and then pulling a punchline more out of left field. I can't think of a good one for either of these offhand, and maybe there isn't really a good one to be had - so had they tried I'd probably just be raking them over the coals for a horrible joke. But is it worse to be impressively bad, or just boring?
Monday, November 21, 2011
Wrapper 23: Which was worse, the chicken or the egg
33. Mike C., Mitchell, SD
What did the little boy tell the game warden?
"Say, this seems like an awfully specific, contrived setup for a two-line joke."
33. His dad was in the kitchen poaching eggs!
God. Again, this strikes me as a little too sophisticated for an audience of what, nine-year-olds? You have to know that "poaching eggs" is a thing, you have to know what a game warden is, and you have to know the other definition of poaching! And in fact, the very premise of the joke is based around a kid not knowing both definitions. The perfect Laffy Taffy wrapper joke would be uncomplicated (because there just isn't enough room) and funny. This one is overly complicated and still manages to be eyeroll-inducingly dumb.
34. Patrick B., San Antonio, TX
What do you call a chicken crossing the road?
Another twist on the "classic" chicken-crossing-the-road joke. Where could this be going, I wonder...
34. Poultry in motion.
Well, could be worse. It's a groaner of a pun and rests on an idiom that I would suggest is not exactly the most common there is, but it's at least mildly clever and does a good job of switching between (relative) synonyms between the setup and punchline.
What did the little boy tell the game warden?
"Say, this seems like an awfully specific, contrived setup for a two-line joke."
33. His dad was in the kitchen poaching eggs!
God. Again, this strikes me as a little too sophisticated for an audience of what, nine-year-olds? You have to know that "poaching eggs" is a thing, you have to know what a game warden is, and you have to know the other definition of poaching! And in fact, the very premise of the joke is based around a kid not knowing both definitions. The perfect Laffy Taffy wrapper joke would be uncomplicated (because there just isn't enough room) and funny. This one is overly complicated and still manages to be eyeroll-inducingly dumb.
34. Patrick B., San Antonio, TX
What do you call a chicken crossing the road?
Another twist on the "classic" chicken-crossing-the-road joke. Where could this be going, I wonder...
34. Poultry in motion.
Well, could be worse. It's a groaner of a pun and rests on an idiom that I would suggest is not exactly the most common there is, but it's at least mildly clever and does a good job of switching between (relative) synonyms between the setup and punchline.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Wrapper 22: Windows and apples
31. Daryl J., Memphis, TN
What did one window say to the other window?
Various potential plays on words here - something with "pane," perhaps?
31. I am in "pane."
At least they got the right homophone in there this time, unlike that coffin/coughing joke from wrapper 7. But pretty bad. Simplest possible usage of "pane," and would it kill you to give the window any impetus to speak this exact sentence?
32. Amber L., Pittston, PA
Why did the apple turnover?
Because that would be delicious?
32. Because he got jealous of the jelly roll.
...man. A real stretch there, Amber L., although I guess bonus points for the relative soundalike of "jealous" and "jelly." I guess "turn over" and "roll" are sort of the same thing, and so that kind of works? But why is the apple jealous? Like he's upset that the jelly was baked into a pastry and he wasn't? Just nonsense.
What did one window say to the other window?
Various potential plays on words here - something with "pane," perhaps?
31. I am in "pane."
At least they got the right homophone in there this time, unlike that coffin/coughing joke from wrapper 7. But pretty bad. Simplest possible usage of "pane," and would it kill you to give the window any impetus to speak this exact sentence?
32. Amber L., Pittston, PA
Why did the apple turnover?
Because that would be delicious?
32. Because he got jealous of the jelly roll.
...man. A real stretch there, Amber L., although I guess bonus points for the relative soundalike of "jealous" and "jelly." I guess "turn over" and "roll" are sort of the same thing, and so that kind of works? But why is the apple jealous? Like he's upset that the jelly was baked into a pastry and he wasn't? Just nonsense.
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